Can Serial Cheaters Change their Spots?

Published: 30th March 2010
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Like leopards of old it's been said many times that cheaters, especially serial cheaters (those who have cheated with many different women or men) cannot change their spots. That isn't exactly true. The problem is that it is very difficult for a serial cheater to change his (or her) spots. It will take a lot of work for serial cheaters to change their cheating ways and there will always need to be diligent scrutiny to make sure that said cheater isn't returning to old habits that made cheating so accessible in the past.
What needs to be done to change the proverbial spots of serial cheaters?

1) Get outside help. While you might be tempted to keep this one "in the family" so that as few people as possible know about this you need to get help from someone that is trained to evaluate, spot, and treat sex addictions. Not all serial cheaters are sex addicts but it's a good bet that there are some behaviors that are very similar to sexual addictions that made this possible. You need professional help to aid the cheater in stopping and in helping you deal with the emotional blow that this type of cheating causes. The bottom line is that you cannot fix this on your own. When you both work hand in hand with a professional you'll have much better odds of success.

2) Keep a short leash. For a long time to come you will need to make sure the leash is tight and that the cheater doesn't have the opportunity to cheat again. This is probably a good idea for a very long time. It may even become a necessary way of life. Only time will tell on that account. Don't give the other person the time or the freedom that would be required to cheat and he or she will have a much more difficult time cheating.

3) Don't pretend nothing has happened. It's one thing to forgive. It's another thing to forget. This is not the time to forget that something this big has happened in your relationship. It will become the huge elephant standing in the corner that no one ever discusses or deals with. You must deal with the cheating, discuss what it means to you, and let the other person know that you might have forgiven the action and love the person but you're not going to tolerate it again. There will be no free passes on this.

Warning! If you hope to save your marriage and get your ex back after a serial cheating episode you must read this first:

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