Getting Over her Cheating – Is there a 12-Step Program for That?

Published: 30th March 2010
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Are you trying to get over a cheating wife or girlfriend? There ought to be some sort of 12-step program to help you get through this trying time in your life. I don't have a 12-step program but there are things you can do that will help you move beyond the cheating and decide, with a clear head, where your relationship should go from here.

Step one.

Take a long look in the mirror. Perfect? I didn't think so. None of us, no matter how great we are have reached that plateau just yet. Perfection is something to strive for but not something that anyone has yet managed to achieve. It helps that you really understand that we are all imperfect before you decide to address the issue of her cheating.

Step two.

Write down a nice long list of all the reasons you love her. Don't skimp and don't worry about how silly it might seem if someone else reads it. You can destroy it later if you'd like or you can give it her. This list is primarily for you. If you can't think of at least 20 reasons you love her then maybe she did you both a favor by cheating.

Step three.

Create another list. Make this list one about the things that could change to improve your relationship. Make it a bit of a wish list but be realistic. If nagging is a problem in the relationship, put it on the list but don't expect instant miracles. Make it a list of things you can change and things she could change in order to make the relationship better for both of you.

Step four.

Forgive yourself for the problems in your marriage. It takes two people to make a marriage work. It also takes two people to allow it to fall apart. You can't carry the entire weight of her bad choice on your shoulder. Don't dwell on "woulda, coulda, shoulda." Forgive yourself for mistakes and move forward rather than living in the past.

Step five.

Forgive her for cheating. This might be the hardest step to take. Whether you're going to work things out with her or move on without her you have to really forgive her before you can do either. Don't try to put conditions on forgiveness. Just forgive her. It will take a lot of work and you'll be better at it some days than others. The sooner you are able to forgive and move forward the sooner you can let go of the hurt and anger her cheating caused.

Have you discovered a little too late that you really do want to forgive her and make the relationship work? It's not too late for your marriage. You can get your ex back but you're going to have to do this one teeny-tiny little thing first:

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