Make Amends not Excuses – Save Your Marriage after an Affair

Published: 01st March 2010
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If you've been caught cheating you need to save your excuses and start working on making amends instead. Saving your marriage after an affair won't be an easy job but the rewards can be amazing.
Where should you begin in your efforts to put your marriage back on the straight and narrow?

1)Apologize. Not just any apology will do. This needs to be a heart felt, dig down deep apology. There is nothing you can say that will make the affair alright in your eyes or the eyes of the spouse you've cheated on. An apology doesn't excuse, shouldn't make excuses, and shouldn't even really attempt to explain. You simply need to let your spouse know that you realize the depth of the betrayal and hurt you've caused and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make things better (notice I said better and not right) between the two of you.

2)Have patience. Patience isn't easy. There is a reason it's considered to be one of the virtues. Few people have it but in this situation you are going to need to stretch the limits of your patience so that you can give your spouse the time he or she needs to gain perspective and sort out the emotions that may be threatening to take control. Give your spouse a little time and space to come to terms with what happened and what it can mean for your marriage. The bottom line is that you should not expect good results overnight.

3)Exercise caution. Be careful with your words, thoughts, and deeds for the time being. This is good advice in any situation in life. Thoughts have a nasty habit of becoming words and deeds before you know what's come over you. Get a grip on all of them and a favorable outcome is much more likely. Remember that words, once said, can never be fully taken back. Don't say things you don't mean out of hurt, anger, or fear. They could destroy any hope you had of making your marriage work.

4)Be honest. The questions will come. Whether they come now or later you need to expect them and have an honest answer in mind. You don't have to give full disclosure but whatever you tell your spouse absolutely must be the truth if you want to have any hope at all of saving your marriage. Honesty is almost always the best policy. When you're trying to re-establish trust in a relationship it's the only policy.

Need a little help in your effort to save your marriage or get your ex back? You've come to the right place. Put step one from this free video: to work for you and watch how quickly all the other pieces begin falling into place.

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